Our Sex Toy Kinkmas Countdown: Day Five — Lovehoney Vanilla Massage Oil Review

Lovehoney discover romance advent calendar day 5 .A bottle of vanilla scented massage oil stands by a pink box with a number 5 on it and a pink advent calendar in the background.

The turkey won’t be the only one getting basted this Christmas.

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Rating: 1 out of 5.

Hello lovelies and welcome to our Kinkmas countdown!

From 12th-24th December, I’ll be bringing you a post and a short Youtube video every day as we open this calendar together, followed by a review of our experience (hopefully!) on the 27th!

We deliberated over all of the calendar options but ultimately settled on the 12-day “Romance” one. It’s designed to help bring romance to a relationship, but will there be romance in store for us?

Let’s explore…

Today is day:

Lovehoney discover romance advent calendar day 5 .A bottle of vanilla scented massage oil stands by a pink box with a number 5 on it and a pink advent calendar in the background.

How It Looks

There’s things to like and dislike here: I like the black label with grey spots, and the black flip lid – they’re both stylish and cute.  I’m disliking, however, that the bottle is only about 7/8ths full. I’d understand if it contained saffron oe gold flakes but… It’s vanilla? It’s a very common, affordable ingredient. No need to be stingy.

How It Handles

The flip cap makes this massage oil really easy to control, and if you only pierce a hole in the seal – rather than ripping it off completely – it becomes even easier. It doesn’t pour out unless you squeeze the bottle either, so you can get as much or as little oil as you want.

How It Feels

This oil is hugely underwhelming. First of all, where is the vanilla at? It’s just… absent. It’s so faint that you have to actually apply the oil in order to be able to smell it, and even then, it’s the slightest, faintest whiff of any vanilla creaminess.

Secondly, this vanilla massage oil seems to dry out quite fast, so you burn through the oil quite quickly anyway. It’s supposed to be a loving, sensual massage, but it was so eventful, we both giggled and said we felt more like we were preparing one another for the roasting tin!

The Verdict

By now you know I hate to berate products, but this massage oil sucks in a “why am I even writing this post?” way. If it just had some smell, that would be something, but it lacks in both substance and volume. 1/5.

Where To Buy

Tis the season to be jolly! Check out Lovehoney’s great advent calendar selection below.

Plus, here’s a little gift from me — you can get 20% off at Lovehoney with my exclusive promo code! Simply enter AFF-LOVEHELEN20 at checkout and enjoy great savings, any time you shop!   

White text reading ‘Shop Lovehoney UK’ centered over a Union Jack flag background in red, white, and blue.
White text reading ‘Shop Lovehoney US’ centered over an American flag background with stars and red and white stripes.

Until next time, stay safe & have fun!

Love,

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5 responses to “Our Sex Toy Kinkmas Countdown: Day Five — Lovehoney Vanilla Massage Oil Review”

  1. […] massager, but Master and I sort of worked it out anyway. We didn’t use the massage oil from box five though — we used one that actually has a bit of a (sandalwood) […]

  2. Hmm. I thought we wanted the vanilla to be absent😉

    1. Vanilla has its place. I have done some very wicked things with a vanilla yoghurt before now 😉

      1. Why doesn’t that surprise me?

      2. Because I’m not a good girl?

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